The Fascinating Link Between Authenticity and Getting What You Want

Man on phone smiling

When you are being your authentic self, is it possible to get more of what you want? What if the secret to truly getting what you want is simply being more authentic?

I can say from personal experience that when I made an authentic decision to move from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, to Phoenix, Arizona, I met my incredible 2nd husband right before I moved! I decided to go out with a girlfriend and saw him from across the bar. After I went through a divorce in 2000, I had trouble finding someone with who I connected. So, why did I meet the love of my life when I made an authentic choice to move to a city that I really wanted to be in? We ended up having a one-year long-distance relationship before he moved out to Arizona. 

The same thing happened in my career. I authentically love learning and am a life-long learner. I love going to training programs, and I have a Master’s in Industrial and Labor Relations from Cornell University and a Doctorate in Leadership and Organization Development from Columbia University. Five years after graduating from Cornell, I was working in the International Training and Development department at a Fortune 500 company when I decided to go back to get my doctorate.

Education is very authentic to my well-being. I ended up meeting amazing peers in the class who worked at Fortune 100 companies. They said to me, “why don’t you go out on your own? We would hire you in an instant!” In the 8th grade, I wrote an essay saying how I wanted to own my own business. Just being me, being authentic, and enjoying learning attracted my first clients. I ended up taking that leap of faith and leaving my corporate job to enter my dream job of being CEO of my own company – Inside Out Learning, Inc. (IOL). IOL is now a successful 7+ figure global professional, leadership, and organization development company that serves Fortune 500, mid and small size business clients.    

Over the past 20 years, I have seen this repeatedly happen to thousands of clients who have gone through our training and coaching programs. 

This is why my book coming out this fall is called The Authenticity Code™: The Art and Science of Success and Why You Can’t Fake It to Make It. The science of success is following the tools and formulas required to crack the code to being your authentic self. The art of success is deeply connecting with who you truly are and making a commitment to do what you came here to do and be who you came here to be. It is realizing that you are the presentation – whether making a formal presentation or informal communication.

In the “your presence” part of the code, we ask participants 10 questions to get in touch with their unique authentic brand statements and how to measure whether they are being it. 

They write out who they currently are as a professional/leader and who they are becoming. They connect with their unique gifts and talents in a way they never have before. We repeatedly hear from participants that they became their brand, landed their dream job, and accomplished what they said they wanted to accomplish.

So why is this? Herein lies the key to why I named my business Inside Out Learning, Inc. When you change on the inside, your external world moves and changes to match that transformation. You give up trying to be someone you are not. When you are committed to being who you came here to be and doing what you came here to do, you attract what you want in both your personal and professional lives. People are more likely to buy from you, choose you over another job candidate, or even choose you as a mate.    

Truly cracking the code and getting what you want requires giving up a purely self-interested authenticity mindset. There are so many misperceptions about what authenticity really means. I have heard it defined as “doing what I want when I want” or “being me regardless of others.” I think this is a very self-interested definition. I define authenticity as “your most powerful way of adding value by expressing your unique gifts and talents for your chosen audience.” This definition is an integration between self and others.  

Think about it, we choose what audiences to be in front of. When we choose a workplace, we are authentically choosing to be in front of certain co-workers, leaders, and customers. 

It is an authentic choice to be in front of an audience. For example, if I hated formality, then I would not choose to be in front of formal clients and customers who expect executive dress and etiquette. Instead, I would join a more informal culture and serve their customers. Or if I wanted to move, inspire and serve a formal workplace’s customers, then I would still choose to join the formal work culture and learn to embrace formality. This is where servant leadership and authenticity intersect, and it is at this intersection where getting and attracting what you want occurs.